As my birthday nears I was reminded of a past birthday that was quite eventful. Tammy (21), Colleen (26), and I (36) went out clubbing. We got all dressed up. Tammy wore a cute red plaid mini-dress. Our first destination was a ritzy club near the Galleria in Houston. Johann, my 1st ex, was playing there. I believe he was the one that ordered me a shot drink called a ‘blowjob’, a frothy concoction with whip on top you are supposed to drink with no hands. I dutifully exclaimed – ‘It’s too big!’ but somehow I managed. Our second destination was a favorite old haunt, The Hop on FM 1960. I caught Tammy smooching the front bartender, he was giving her all sorts of exotic drinks. Colleen was holding court, as usual, waiving her hand and saying ‘next!’
Naturally, we were hungry when they closed the joint at 2am and we headed for Taco Bell. I was driving Colleen’s 2 door car because she had had enough. She was in the back with her legs up. When we pulled up to the window you would have thought the clerk had never seen 3 drunk women in a car at the Taco Bell drive-in at 2am! Before we made it home, Tammy had to vomit. I pulled over, she opened the door to lean out; Colleen pushing the heavy door way out so Tam was nearly on her head, while Colleen instructed her not to get any in her car!
We made it home a short time later and who is standing at the gate to the back yard but Papa with his CPAP mask still wearing only his tidy-whites which were thankfully baggy. Tammy make us promise not to let Papa find out she was drunk. We all attempted to be straight but that wasn’t happening, somehow Tammy tripped in her red plaid mini and landed in the dog’s water bowl. Well, it proceeded to get worse from there.
Tammy continued to puke, this time in the upstairs bathroom, moaning at the top of her lungs interspersed with ‘I can’t believe my head is in this filthy toilet!” She has to lowest tolerance for pain of anybody I have ever known. Colleen just stood there laughing her head off so I sent her to bed. I was just drunk enough to forget that once stuff starts coming up, nothing else goes down and kept giving her water!
She was sharing the king-size bed with me in. After just a couple of hours of sleep she sits bolt upright and says ‘I think I’m gonna … (barf)’ all over me and our bed. I pulled her out of bed, stripped her, put her in the shower then I stripped the bed and myself and got in the shower, too. Once clean with clean jammies we remade the bed and finally went back to blissful sleep!
Happy Birthday to me!
